Sometimes you need to let your child figure out how to solve a problem on their own, or live with the consequences of their decisions.
That’s according to psychiatrist and best-selling author Daniel Amen. Parents often make the mistake of “excessive” treatment of their children, which results in their children being “weak-minded”, Amen Tell “Built Different” podcast, on Tuesday’s episode.
Amen says such behavior—such as planning your child’s class yourself to help them get better grades, or giving them something they want just to stop an impending tantrum—limits a child’s psychological resilience and A sense of independence. Very adaptable child More likely to become happy, successful adultsresearch shows.
“When my daughter forgets to do her homework at home, no one brings it to school. If she doesn’t bring a jacket on a cold day, no one brings her a jacket even if her mom tells her to,” Amen said. “It’s really important that when your child says ‘I’m bored,’ instead of addressing it, you say ‘I wonder what you would do.'”
“If you do too much for your children, you’re increasing your self-esteem by stealing their self-esteem,” he added. “(Humans) develop mental toughness by solving problems.”
Develop children’s mental toughness No need for “tough love” parenting “Hard punishment,” Tovah Klein, a child psychologist at Barnard College, told CNBC Make It last year. Trying to protect children from disappointment won’t help them build resilience, either, Klein said.
Instead, you can let your children experience setbacks, mistakes, and other tough moments while letting them know you still support and love them.
“I think it’s a more empathetic, more connected approach. ‘This might be hard, I’ll be here when you’re done,'” Klein said, adding: “It’s a Message: ‘I believe you will get through this hard thing and no matter how things go, whether you win or lose, no matter where you are in the middle, I will be here to support you.
Likewise, the more you encourage your children to help those around them—from everyday chores at home to friends and classmates at school—the more they will gain the empowerment and responsibility they need to confidently handle their own challenges, notes the American Psychological Association in A blog post from 2012.
“Let them start identifying their own problems, or solutions to their problems, without getting too involved in it,” Amen said.
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