Things Harvard-trained psychologist healthy couples don’t say | Real Time Headlines

People who are codependent in relationships often try to hide, ignore, or deny their own inner experiences, focusing all their energy on being there for the other person.

This act of self-sacrifice is often part of an unconscious attempt to control a situation. But we all have needs.

The goal of interdependence is that both partners’ needs, wants, dreams, and desires are respected, supported, and appreciated—and neither one is asking too much from the other.

Codependency is ultimately the need to maintain a relationship at all costs because one’s happiness and security are based on the relationship.

Therefore, people in interdependent relationships tend to avoid conflict as much as possible. If this happens, they may act passive-aggressively or appear aloof rather than communicating their thoughts, feelings, or opinions.

Codependent couples share how they feel, what they want, and then listen to their partner’s response. They know that this creates a stronger bond, even if they disagree.

People in codependent relationships often have difficulty saying “no” or setting healthy boundaries because meeting the needs of others is more important than taking care of their own.

Fear of rejection or ridicule causes them to do what others want even if it is inconvenient, difficult, may lead to bad behavior, or violates their personal values.

However, people in codependent relationships understand that they can say “no” and set boundaries without fear of retaliation. They can acknowledge what the other person wants in a respectful way and feel free to say “no” sincerely.

People in codependent relationships are strongly affected by feedback from others, so they may feel confused or unsure about their true emotions. They may minimize, deny, or alter their true feelings in an effort to maintain the relationship.

It’s normal for any of us to be unsure of how we’re feeling at times. However, people in codependent relationships strive to internally understand, process, and explore their true emotions and then share them honestly.

For most of us, dealing with rejection or criticism is very difficult – and it feels good to have people like us. However, for someone in a codependent relationship, feeling unpopular or unwanted can be overwhelming.

This leads some people to focus too much on what their partner thinks of them, often damaging their true selves in the process.

In a codependent relationship, while the goal is to hear your partner’s perspective and respond respectfully, there’s also a deep understanding that our value is defined internally. We don’t need others to like everything about us for us to be whole, healed, and important.

Those who struggle with codependency often feel very uncomfortable when not in a relationship.

Being single or without another person to care for doesn’t last long because when one codependent relationship ends, they look for another to fill the void.

Being in a healthy interdependent relationship means you know that you are a whole person with goals, interests, and an identity—with or without a partner. Codependents embrace time alone, especially when they are in a relationship.

People who struggle with codependency have difficulty trusting others. The fear of abandonment is often paramount: they try to be everything to the other person, trying to make them stay by being overly responsive to their needs.

Being in a healthy interdependent relationship means you understand that you have no control over the other person.

While you may worry that a relationship will one day end, you’ll be grateful for the present and motivated to build healthy connections without controlling your partner.

Many people in codependent relationships struggle with low self-esteem and an unstable sense of personal worth. They can be very critical of themselves and others, often seeking self-validation from outside themselves.

In a codependent relationship, people strive to look within themselves and take responsibility for their own self-worth, while relying on loved ones for support when they need help.

People in codependent relationships often look to their partners for comfort. This can look like asking them if you love them, asking for compliments, wanting constant contact, and generally looking clingy or needy.

In a codependent relationship, people desire connection, trust, and connection with their partner. However, people often express their needs directly and discuss them in a collaborative and respectful manner without seeming clingy.